It's Entirely Up To You

When my mother passed away suddenly, I had a new baby and two toddlers.

It was the most difficult time of my life. I was overwhelmed and lost and one morning, I physically collapsed under the weight of my grief.

When I came to, I was lying in a pathetic heap on my dressing room floor and I panicked. I’d been going through the motions. Brushing my teeth, changing nappies, making meals, consoling my widowed father, but I was hollow.

I pulled myself to my feet that day, stared helplessly at my tear stained face in the mirror, barely recognising my own reflection and the heard my Mother's strong Scottish accent telling me to get my shit together.

It hit me in the guts.

Life had knocked me down.

I was empty and in a hole I just didn't have the strength to crawl out of. But I knew if I sat in the dark any longer I may never find my way out.

I felt a heavy obligation to pull myself together for my husband, father and children. But more importantly, I needed to do it FOR ME.

And my ‘pulling myself together journey’ wasn't easy.

That dramatic collapse and the subsequent shock, catapulted me into realising that my healing was entirely up to me.

There wasn’t anyone or anything that could save me. It was all up to me.

Life is unpredictable. It will knock you off your feet and there will be days, weeks, even months you may not know how you'll navigate the mess.

But you can. And you will.